You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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