Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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