The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
