I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
