Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
