shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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