its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
