Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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