One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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