Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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