His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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