Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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