You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
