Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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