remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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