Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
