i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
try to milk me bitch
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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