Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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