I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
