Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
