i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
