Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
