I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
