she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
