Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
