did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
