the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
