would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
