quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
