Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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