flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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