just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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