oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
