Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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