I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
