3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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