I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
