I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
