Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
