you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I love you.
Bad choice
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
