apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is wine microwaveable?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
