I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wear drunk well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize