Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
