oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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