I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
