all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
