is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
