take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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