im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
