Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
