Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
